Dwight Howard is so toxic that one of the league’s most difficult personalities coming off an Achilles tear was somehow still the safer choice.

I believe him. It’s kind of like this girl who’s really interested in me but I just don’t want to date right now. She’s a model. You guys wouldn’t know her though, she lives in Canada.

A lot of people have weird hangups about food. Cut the man some slacks.

you mean, + #2

More like Pooperintendent amirite

I’m just glad he went with “someone from whom I bought cocaine” as opposed to the more colloquial “someone I bought cocaine from”.

This is...SnortsCenter

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RBNY > Man United

Personally I will always rejoice at anything bad happened to Manchester United, but hearing them called “shitty” and “entitled” by a Arsenal fan and Barca stan is... well, it’s the sort of thing that makes one knit one’s brows in a bemused fashion.

She’s taken her talents to the capoeira instructor.

Ha. That’s not happening. Your wife is gone for good.

Can we have that guy back...?

I bet that doesn’t even end up being the score.

a mentalist (just a made-up term for a magician)

“Example?” -Tim Donaghy

I’ve checked your posts. You should not be allowed on the Internet.

A lot of people are going to try to tell you different, but let me assure you: you are exactly the right amount of upset about this.

Found the one Tampa Bay Buccaneer fan guys

This is what happens when you eat too many Ls.