If you don’t win I’ll be pissed.

My paternal grandparents, circa early 1950s. My grandfather is channeling Ernest Borgnine clearly.

I’m at work and don’t have any pics of my dad readily available, but here’s a pic of Mr. Brooklyn, who is an AWESOME DAD, taken back when he was 18 or 19, right before he joined the navy. Sorry for the glare but he was pretty smokin’ then. (I didn’t meet him until he was in his 40s...)

no no no - candied orange dipped in DARK chocolate is the bomb. Put that into some ice cream and now we’re talking...

As the proud former women’s studies student of a East Coast land grant university that required every student to take a social justice course, even I have to say:

starred for “flolloping”.

I am beginning to get more and more lost here. Gawker needs to create a family tree because this shit is just getting too confusing with all these biblical names.

I am mortified by this but mine would be “Dimples Pearl”. Yes, really I had a dog named Dimples. And we lived on Pearl St. I feel like Dimples Pearl would probably be a big star in the “barely legal” genre. I am loathe to tell this fact in person.

Looking at Google map street view, I want to say she was above the dunkin donuts on that block. I believe her name was Antoinette?

it was a long time ago; I don’t know if she’s still there but she was on Ave J between Coney and Ocean Ave - I want to say it was the same block as Garden of Eden but I don’t remember exactly. She was above a store front. A very sweet woman whose first language was spanish.

I need a new keyboard now.

You’re missing a “n” here.

Wait, REALLY? REALLY? Okay this woman is SO MESSED UP.

This is why I love you Kara Brown.

OMG OMG OMG. I HAVE SO MUCH OTHER SHIT TO DO THIS WEEKEND.

FREAKING BRILLIANT.

I think the whole “shower via skype” is actually super cute, especially for grandparents and other relatives who can’t travel.

This face is EXACTLY the fact I would be making if I got such an “invitation”. I would write a check for the price of a stamp minus one penny. That should relay my feelings I think.

Also Mark, could you please be my next best friend?

I’m white so I haven’t experienced the racism aspect but most certainly I have been poorly treated by cosmetic sales people because I am plus-sized. They see a shlumpy fat lady and assume I will look and never buy. My only positive experience is when I brought my friend the makeup artist with me - and she came with a…