*takes off Tim Allen hat for a moment*

Single payer?? Over my dead-of-a-preexisting-condition body!

That's it, I'm packing up and moving somewhere more friendly to conservative American values. Russia, here I come!

I know this episode was already over-stuffed, but I would've given anything to watch more of Dan and Jonah's night on the town, especially their trip to Flavortown via Guy Fieri's restaurant in Times Square.

I once had a guy about 10 years older than me extol the virtues of dating someone older throughout our text conversation on OKC, only to start off the date by asking: "So where do you see yourself in five years." He proceeded to give me patronizing career advice for about an hour before shaking my hand at the end of…

Just FYI I'm pretty sure Bumble stacks the app with fake profiles, at least on the male side and probably on the female side too - so that could go a great deal toward explaining the reasoning behind at least some of those non-responsive guys. I live in the LA area and was just seeing an amount of shirtless male model…

Hey now, we conservative men don't cry. We bury absolutely all of our emotions except for righteous anger and then lash out at the soul source of all the world's problems: the liberal Hollywood elite.

You mean that bold emphasis as a term of endearment, right? *whimpering* Right?

Now you're gettin' it!

Way to bring up my darkest memory, man.

Oh I see how it is, you're one of the Nazis at the Anne Frank Center! Well I hate to break it to you, but as long as there's lead in the water and Fox News on the air, I'll always have a wide fan base. You'll never keep me down!

BS, the Anne Frank Center and goddamned liberal Hollywood elite are in cahoots. They have it out for me, I tells ya!

"What do you have that's like SpaghettiOs?"

My god, this episode felt like I was watching the most depressing Vermeer painting on earth come to life.

Hey now, you might be a bit of a hermit too if you'd ever immediately ratted on all your business associates upon your airport drug bust. But I'm happy to say I'm hurr, I like slurs, and the goddamn Hollywood liberal elite better get used to it!

Thanks for the kind words, Excitable! Here, have some cocaine