We sure this isn’t just a really in-depth dive?

Maybe if he hadn’t angered the football gods so many times he wouldn’t get injured so often and in such spectacularly low-key ways.

I don’t know sir, but this is a Burger King drive-thru. Please pull around.

I’m on it!

On the other hand, fuck Neymar.

You wanna be mad at him, and stay back, to make him earn your love and trust again, but you’re just so damned happy, and you giddily jump up and down screaming “Daddy!” Over and over again. And your dad says “Christ, son, you’re 35, stop calling me that. And put some fucking pants on. You’re why I left.”

Steve Holt!

NO ONE DENIES THIS!!!

You didn’t right EAT SHIT in this entire blog.  The hospital’s changed you man.

You remember that Sunday morning, two months after dad left, you wake up and notice mom’s hair is seriously mussed, and then you walk into the kitchen and dad is making eggs like the past eight weeks never happened . . .

DREW I HELD MY POOP IN FOR WEEKS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK SO I CAN HAVE A GREAT MOMENT IN POOP HISTORY

WELCOME BACK DREW
WE MISSED THE SHIT OUTTA YOU
HERE’S A QUICK RHYME
SORRY IT’S NOT A HAIKU

I mean, he’s right, so at least another guy with a (B) before their net worth is telling Shultz to knock it off with the (I) shit.

Apparently, Deadspin has become to fancy-pants to do the weekly Bears! entry anymore,  so I say bears are now officially allowed to do anything humans do, (let’s start with the presidency).

Why expose yourself to that? Why bring that into the equation?

Imagine my disappointment the first time I saw the Boston Bruins play. “They taught them to skate?!”

You can not begin to imagine my disappointment when I found out that the Memphis Grizzlies were not a team of basketball playing grizzly bears.