I don't think I'd want Russian mafia tattoos on me. I don't feel like getting my ass kicked to shit.

This is a revelation, considering I'm of Chinese descent, but, man, Chinese people really love slippers!

I'm trying to figure out why Gaffigan isn't the #1 comment on here.

• Survey Question One: If the Xbox One must use the Internet but can run online, then I will accept an offline gaming mode that lasts as little as: 2 weeks
  
  

I find it's very easy to simply slip inside Tobias. You know, to get a feel of him.

I tell you, I'd get out there and do my damndest to give those other men such a licking! Their asses would be sore for weeks!

Kotaku commenters:

Champion of commenting.

If she were a new character, they'd probably make her carry a hair brush and ride a sparkling pony into the kitchen.

He's a douche, basically.

I'm not seeing how that's not to make his daughter happy, though.

So glad. I've actually had that conversation with someone before!

Give me a break, sir. Give ME a break.

Man, I hope you're satire.

Agreed. I literally turned to my friend and said, "THIS is the only game demo on here? Not ZombiiU? Not the Mario game at least? This is like an iPad game."

So he went and did it for his own edification? Why would he do that?

It seems a pretty natural assumption, I thought. Are you assuming it didn't?

I mean the change was a little thing. I don't know what amount of effort he put into it. Maybe it would have been easier or better to tell her not to worry about Link being a boy, but clearly, he was able to do it and thinks it was worth it to make her happy.

Except I didn't, but whatevs, fella.

Zing?