Oh, if only they played it exclusively in America, but us folks in the rest of the world are not immune. If they will genuinely defer first place to someone else over there, I am going to be legitimately jealous, because Mariah Carey has been haunting my holidays ever since I was a child. Take her back, she is the…

She’s seen some shit.

Congratulations, you have earned 100 dillars from Deadspon.

I asked my coworker, Tim Brady, what he thought about Trump and his plans for Muslims, and he told me to get the fuck out of his cubicle. Also I’m not a reporter. Can I still have $100?

Sources indicate that Laila shows promise as an offensive lineman, but is struggling to keep her grades up for college.

Wait, I know! He can organize his followers and break the windows of the stores he does not like.

Somebody should’ve listened to Superman.

To try and remain positive, I try to think of it not as a backslide but as the remnants of hard-core white power doubling down in their death throes. The alternative is so terrifying.

Alan Harper, age 58 and “very, very white”

Ski...anse? Skinse? It's not even a word. Troll harder, skence troll.

This comment is why I love you.

Because there’s always money in the banana costume.

See, kids? Your soul stays inside this box right here until I take the ribbon with your soul on it into a dark room with a red light and soak it in water! then it comes out and looks like you. And if you’re bad, there’s an extra set of your soul where everything is the opposite color. What? It’s how WE grew up!

In 2017, Meyer will release Morning, New Sun and Supernova, her story about the young vampire Bella falling for an irresistibly warm-blooded human boy and her quest to get him to bite her so she can be human too. But will she be able to decide between her human true love and Jacob, the sexy were-human?

Don’t make fun of our vowels and I won’t make fun of yours. Our laptops are made by blackberry and, like enforced wearing of lululemon we must purchase them all. It’s basically a soviet gulag up here. We can only clean our bathrooms once a month when the lysol shipments from the usa arrive. someone send help. or build…

*smirkin’*

Always happy to oblige.