Birds aren’t real. They were replaced with CIA drones in the 60's. We are under constant surveillance.

Anna Kendrick

Teabag? That’s a mistake right there. Loose leaf and strain.

Public thank you notes to someone who gave you pleasure in a dream... Fairly sure most of them really really don’t want to hear about it. 

Never should have taken orders for Mavericks. Everyone knows Mavericks take orders from no one. 

Let he who has not crashed a limo with a stripper pole on the hood into a creek cast the first stone.

We have a prospectus out to Miss Kristen Lee. Seems like a synergy. 

Dear Sir or Madam,

pimp sauce would be a great kinja handle. 

We own the car, you’re driving it. It’s a simple contract and you can do all of this with a credit card,” Painter said Thursday in an interview. “It’s not a traditional lease or car loan.

Feed that corgi perogis. 

Sorry I couldn’t get any work done today this week... still coping with the aftermath of the big eruption.

Is driving on an ice-over river a thing? Seems like she had a pretty good run on the river before locating a thin spot. 

Stay hydrated. 

It’s not even the greatest road in New Jersey.

He’s still in a back room with the finance/rust-proofing salesperson.

Al Fresca.

I love the idea of specifying what was in the meal beforehand. Pee terrior.

Peesco Sour

What are the best pee-based cocktails? What’s a good food pairing with pee? Which Herb is best soaked in pee? C’mon, there’s fools to be shined on for clicks.