But why did Dez lock himself in the car?

Wow, that's an impressive list of police incidents. I think it's possible to deduce from that... Dez Bryant did nothing wrong whatever.

"A-Rod one, Yuri null."

The Scenic Funs

Wow, how the mighty have fallen. A year ago, he was the best running back in the NFL. And now? He's forced to cut the fabric off of his couch to make a suit for court.

Waiter: "Can I bring you anything to drink?

If Chandler Parson's doing it, shouldn't it be called a plump fake?

This article is longer than the average MLB game.

They're getting better at this...

My pet, semi-tinfoil theory, is straight out of corporate-downsizing 101. I worked for a smallish company that got bought by the mouse house, and shortly thereafter we were taken over by a new general manager, whose job - as it was told to us - was to streamline and reinvigorate productivity. Unbeknownst to us but…

The problem is that Kobe forces the issue, looking to score when the situation calls for him to pass. But he keeps asserting himself where he's not wanted while his fans look the other way.

It's elaborate performance art. In a few weeks, Byron Scott will pull his mask off to reveal that it has been Shia Labeouf all along!

"If we're gonna play this game, then how can anyone support the Jaguars?!

"The Buccaneers name is offensive to anyone hurt by the rising price of corn on the cob."

Have fun grimacing and rubbing your temples for the next 15 minutes.

+1 rumblin' bumblin' stumblin'

Yeah, but the new folks are gentrifying tech bobos who don't get too rowdy. These are the bitter working-class people they're trying to displace. You can tell the difference in photos because many of the latter class are black and Latino (and almost none of the former).

They are merely exchanging long protein strings. If you can think of a simpler way, I'm sure they'd like to hear it.

What's Up Mountain?