I didn't even notice it because I'm drunk on arsenic.

I live near Rochester, MI and it actually is pretty nice. I know Madonna has always tried to do the "I come from a tiny podunk town" thing, but people who know the area she grew up in laugh when she acts like she just had to get out.

Badger Cocoa Butter Lip Balm in either Mocha Cocoa or Creamy Cocoa flavors. I've been buying these for years because after trying every other balm under the sun this is the only one that left my lips feeling amazing, smelled great and didn't make me gag if I accidentally licked my lips (looking at you, Blistex Lip…

Badger Cocoa Butter Lip Balm in either Mocha Cocoa or Creamy Cocoa flavors. I've been buying these for years because…

I used to take one of Barbie's plastic boots, wrap it in toilet paper secured with scotch tape and voilà: a leg cast. Barbie had a lot of accidents.

So we basically just watched A Very Special Episode of Scandal.

Someone may have already posted it, but hell, you can't see it too many times

What's the point of posing for a cover nowadays if they're just going to photoshop away all signs of aging? If I were Madonna, I'd just tell them to use some pic of me from the 80s to save me the trouble of actually having to attend the shoot.

Good lord, people, it's from the 60s! I was born in the 80s and even I can recognize a 60s hairdo when I see it.

I agree with everything you said here!

Impalpable?

My abortion was pretty simple like that. I was poor, but I robbed Peter to pay Paul, which is something you get used to doing when you're poor. Maybe it was a water bill or a credit card bill (or both, probably) I didn't pay that month, I don't remember now, but this had a ticking clock and had to be done. I didn't…

My mom was called into a teacher conference when I was in kindergarten because instead of singing "The Wheels on the Bus" or whatever song they had us sing together in class, I sang Madonna's "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. What can I say? Child of the 80s baby!

edunation

Don't feel bad. No one responded to my tip about the time Seal got lost in Canada somewhere and had a Royal Canadian Mounted Police escort back to the airport Hilton.

The shower thing wouldn't kill me. Like others have said, wet wipes, heated snow, etc would do in a pinch. But there's no running water so apparently there are no toilets. So what do you do? Outhouses in freezing temperatures? Seriously, this would be my biggest concern.

So many laughs, so many close calls of the spitting-red-wine-at-the-laptop-screen variety. Nicely done, ladies.

Hey, if the rest of them get hit by a truck during the season finale, who am I to object?

Now that that's out of the way, can we discuss the reality show that REALLY needs to happen? Khloe and Scott enjoy some drinks while watching live footage of the rest of the Kardashian family and they get to do a hilarious running commentary.