I agree with everything you said here!

Impalpable?

My abortion was pretty simple like that. I was poor, but I robbed Peter to pay Paul, which is something you get used to doing when you're poor. Maybe it was a water bill or a credit card bill (or both, probably) I didn't pay that month, I don't remember now, but this had a ticking clock and had to be done. I didn't…

My mom was called into a teacher conference when I was in kindergarten because instead of singing "The Wheels on the Bus" or whatever song they had us sing together in class, I sang Madonna's "Like a Virgin" at the top of my lungs. What can I say? Child of the 80s baby!

edunation

Don't feel bad. No one responded to my tip about the time Seal got lost in Canada somewhere and had a Royal Canadian Mounted Police escort back to the airport Hilton.

The shower thing wouldn't kill me. Like others have said, wet wipes, heated snow, etc would do in a pinch. But there's no running water so apparently there are no toilets. So what do you do? Outhouses in freezing temperatures? Seriously, this would be my biggest concern.

So many laughs, so many close calls of the spitting-red-wine-at-the-laptop-screen variety. Nicely done, ladies.

Hey, if the rest of them get hit by a truck during the season finale, who am I to object?

Now that that's out of the way, can we discuss the reality show that REALLY needs to happen? Khloe and Scott enjoy some drinks while watching live footage of the rest of the Kardashian family and they get to do a hilarious running commentary.

Sadly, I must admit that I didn't guess this, which, in retrospect, seems pretty stupid since Ian's story about being abducted in Eqypt would basically have to be bullshit in order for my fake-foreign-prison theory to make sense.

I am SO susceptible to beauty product suggestions (even when they're not technically being suggested). It's why I can't buy magazines anymore. I might as well have just pulled the Sephora website up the second I started to read this. Dear lord, WHY MUST I BE SO MALLEABLE?

I guessed that they were in a fake foreign jail when the "call to prayer" happened. I knew that there was no freedom beyond the red door (though I thought maybe there would be a brick wall or something). Despite my mostly accurate guesses I am still, STILL so fucking confused at this moment.

The braids really tie this whole look together.

So your first reply wasn't bitchy enough and you decided to add more? Why are you even on here if your mission is to be a dick to everyone? And my comment is backed up by anatomy. Maybe you need an orgasm to loosen the fuck up.

Actually, a full bladder can actually help a woman orgasm more easily and/or more intensely. Try it some time!

As a child in the late 80s, my mom decided to give me a home perm. To this day I really don't understand this decision because I have naturally curly hair, but apparently she wanted Shirley Temple ringlets or something and I was along for the ride. Sufficed to say, it was not good. I ended up with tight old lady…

It's not on hold music. It's just hold music. It's JUST hold music. IT'S JUST HOLD MUSIC! Whew. I feel better now.

It's strange, but I do find that since getting mine, I've felt compelled to recommend IUDs to anyone and everyone I encounter. It's sort of like joining a cult. But it's not just hype. Having an IUD honestly IS magical, like having a unicorn guarding your uterus.