THIS.

...Holy shit.

you’re going to get me fired.

Not the first time some old dude got overly excited about a teenage girl’s jugs.

The daughters should team up with whatever Duggar manages to break free and write about growing up in an evangelical home at the turn of the 21st century. I would read the fuck out of that.

Thanks. It is better for me to take the day off eating, anyway.

Just picture Ted Cruz gently washing your feet.

“...was chosen...”

Perhaps one explanation is that she is getting the word ‘God’ and ‘Dollar’ confused. Don’t believe me? See if this quote makes more sense now: “I don’t want you to feel like any of this was in vain. I believe in the power of THE DOLLAR. This doesn’t always happen on the timing of man, and THE DOLLAR does not work in…

Genuinely cannot wait for the tell all in 20 years.

She believes in the almighty dollar - her fake brand of spirituality is designed to separate the gullible from theirs.

My feeling is, she’s talking about getting her daughters not to show signs of revulsion when their dad tries to touch them in public. Surely with a team of professionals and truckloads of the right drugs, she can accomplish this massive task and no longer look like a failure under the gaze of her lord and master.

“I don’t want you to feel like any of this was in vain. I believe in the power of prayer. This doesn’t always happen on the timing of man, and God does not work in four-year segments,” Heidi Cruz said, referring to the four-year presidential term.

These people truly believe that they compelled by God to establish an American Christian theocracy. It’s batshit and terrifying.

I think my fave Clooney prank that I’ve heard of was during ‘Monument Men’, where he instructed the costume designers/wardrobe department to take in the waist on Matt Damon’s pants just a little each day....

All Jezzies who work in this field, what is that “don’t look her/him in the eye, speak to him/her stuff?” What could possibly be the rationale for such nonsense? Why in the world would anyone cater to these dipshit celebrity psychopaths? How many of these assholes follow this dictum, I’ve heard of it before?…

We had a phone call at our restaurant from a personal assistant to a famous person who was inquiring about everything from the type of light bulbs in our ceiling to the general “vibe” of our waitstaff and that famous person was Pauly Fucking Shore.

We all wish he had said “motherfucking chili.” All of us. But I probably would have died of happiness, so I guess it’s for the best.

Yeah, they’re not going to suffer anything, but when your worldview is that you’re either the one stepping on necks or the one being stepped on, you’re not going to react well to anyone preventing you from being the stepper because the only alternative in your mind is being the stepee.

He’a going to lose this and lose this hard, which is what they want. This bathroom bill is just a smoke screen. The really terrible meat of the bill makes raising the minimum wage in the state illegal and strips a ton of LBGT rights away, such as housing protection and medical care.