I don’t think about trees during sexy times.. but goddamn when that chestnut tree smell hits you in the face it’s unmistakable.

I’ve had *cough* several *cough* partners and with only one have we managed that stunt. I’ve got to say it’s pretty amazing, happens regularly, and I’m obviously keeping him. Not sure if it’s relevant that all of my other partners were Americans and this one is a Kiwi.. but yay New Zealand, just in case!

I’d like to say she’s hoping for a gofundme windfall.. but it looked far too spontaneous for that. I think she’s just so xenophobic that she can’t even have compassion for children. Maybe her moral compass got run over by a truck. Bitch.

This. All day. It takes far more effort to be awful.. and still..

Jesus wept. I really truly just cannot wrap my head around people. That video actually made me feel ill while simultaneously making my eyes leak. Humankind.. be both.

That part about the chestnut trees is NOT wrong. When a certain kind blooms here in the spring it smells like jizz for 100 yards. No lie.

I do not have a dog. I still pick up dog shit almost daily. I can totally relate to the feels he was feeling. Clean up after your goddamn dogs, people.

Haha! First laugh of the day! Imagine how much happier Kim Davis would be if she were a Rastafarian preschool teacher!

well the purple one is, obvs.

To be fair I already don’t follow laws I don’t want to.. but only the marijuana ones, and they are absurd anyway.

It really is a thing! When my kids were small we had a neighbor who gave out those religious pamphlet/fake cash travesties instead of candies for Halloween. There was a kid warning system ranging halfway down the block.. ‘skip the gray house.. fake money!’. FFS.

You win. Full stop.

I prefer snatch, because I find it to be nongross and nonmedical, but your mileage may vary. ;)

My 15 year old cat has only been outside when she was MUCH younger and used to make a break for the door when it opened. Then she’s run under my porch and I’d have to sit there and feign disinterest until she came to me, because she’d scoot right back under there if I tried to grab her. She is now older and wiser, and…

OMG that comment should have come with a warning! I’m with Sipowitz.. you owe us ALL something nice.