Louis C.K. behavior? You’re way out over your skis.

I dont root for either team, but gun to my head, it would probably be Harbaugh’s, given the link he has to the Bears.

If most of the people who think they are going to heaven actually end up there, that is the last place I want to be. 

His obituary is going to read, “I want six of my players to act as pallbearers, not so they can let me down one last time, but so I can finally make them work for free, as I’ve always dreamed.”

It’s not about being impressed, it’s about giving credit for any step in the right direction, my friend, especially given the horrific status quo we all live in.

Coincidentally, “I don’t know what kind it is but want that bird dead” is the mission statement on Ryan Zinke’s resume

It’s a shame print media is dead. This headline would make it so much easier to complete the ransom note for when I kidnap Larry Bird.

get a lot of phone calls from people who are dying to come and play here

So glad you’ve been relieved of the burden of playing this game. Thanks for sharing this critical update with your fans.

“bombastic grifter”

Former President Doesn’t Get It; Wet Behind The Ears Child Blogger Gets Everything

This sucks but at least John Cena will grant a wish for him. 

#AshToMouth

Comedy clubs are supposed to be “safe spaces,” not for every individual who walks through the door but for the comics, themselves, who take a risk in getting up in front of a room full of strangers, who may react with digust or indifference.

You know what should get said more though? Fuck people in the rust belt. Fuck them. Both she and Donnie campaigned for two fucking years, and they’re going to base their vote on who flew into town more often? That’s how you vote? Based on who visited you, instead of some other Americans. You didn’t have all the…

Jon: When I was a junior in high school I was a convenience store clerk at a truck stop. I had to clean pubes and blood off in the showers.

This is a little wild, and hear me out, because it’s a little complex: porn stars are human beings and have the right to refuse sex the same as any other person in any other industry

“Tom knows Bill is the best coach in the league, but he’s had enough of him. If Tom could, I think he would divorce him.”