“I moved on her like a bitch, but I couldn’t get there. And she was married.”

So, grab them by the Donald Trump during the Vietnam War?

Whoa, slow down bud, trying to take notes here.

Game, blouses.

Burneko’s Cubs preview was hilarious. Can we get more articles of him writing about things he doesn’t give a shit about?

I have a feline that cats like to drive.

Excuse me but this is hardly a new phenomenon!

The first hundred or so times I read Giri’s name, I read it as “Girl Nathan.” I don’t have a question.

What is your favorite Donald Trump comparison coming from these articles? I’m pretty partial to “Grimacing Cheeto Fart” but there were many other good ones it’s hard to pick.

I have no desire to watch Donald Trump talk

Beets

Tiffany Trump.

What non-sausage food would be best in sausage form? Bonus points for not being some sort of meat sandwich.

You should pitch The Federalist and Thought Catalog next.

That’s ironic, because I’ve blamed most of the histrionics from the Republican candidate on head trauma.

ROOMBA

It couldn’t possibly be the NFL’s overexposure, creeping into almost every night of the week, could it? Noooooo, of course not.

Constantinople?

Samer, where are you and that Cardinal’s fan registered for your wedding? I’d like to buy you guys something nice.

Follow up: why do you mispronounce coupon?