It's like Amazon Prime. No-one thinks they have any use for Amazon Prime before. "Why would I pay for that?" they say. "I'll just wait three days for my stuff, who gives a shit?"

"I'm cancelling Obamastar."

White House Petitions are redundant anyway. Millions of Americans are now relishing the opportunity they now have to remonstrate with their president in real time on Twitter, as seen here:

For my own sanity I'm going to go with the line, "There is absolutely no way anyone was using that 'excerpt' seriously. Come on!"

"Still not funny to make jokes about kids."

ROOLLLRING STAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[looks down and whispers "No"]

This is the Thames though. So being able to swim will ensure you are fine only until such time as you are run over by a barge, contract Weil's disease from the several pints of rat urine you will ingest within seconds of being in the water, or simply be dragged down by the current that you cannot resist because you…

You've now decided that a hypothetical very rich man is now Affleck specifically.

Haven't you already answered your own question there? He settled the case and your opinion - which you've reminded us is something you're entitled to - is that he's a shit human being, regardless. If all it takes is the accusation to destroy a career, why wouldn't you consider any course of action that brings the…

Probably shouldn't try word policing if your default style is going to be "Grandmother who doesn't understand new smartphone her kids bought her".

Reminds me, I need to cancel this Prime free trial I'm pretty sure hasn't cancelled itself.

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

They stopped putting stuff in dog food that made it turn white because it wasn't good. That's about as specific as this subject deserves.

"Nobody wanted more Shaun of the Dead"

This guy sounds basic as fuck - even if you hadn't decided to make the headline a staple of hacky British nostalgia shows. Like, oh my god, YOU remember white dog shit too?! I member!

Bollocks - it's like, two hours long.

We're focusing on having Twitter tantrums instead of being the president?

"Anyone beating up on the performers at his inauguration is sinking to his level"

In my department - I work as part of a team that handles extraordinary renditions and containment for the CIA so that America can technically say it doesn't torture people - we've spent years trying to find ways of torturing people that are technically not torture.