she is also a DJ and a collector of tiny dogs

I don't know why but his fruit is almost always superior than the others in the area. And he's always honest about what's good. He'll tell me not to bother with certain things. And if he makes a bad recommendation he'll give you your money back! (Or usually just some free fruit).

I have Simpsons quote for Lucy Hale:

Cantaloupe is one of those fruits where 96% of them are horribly unripe but when you finally have a good one, its transcendent. Like a Harry & David pear.

I seriously bust out laughing so hard at the Clooney joke. So much better than the Cosby joke, which Fey already did on Weekend Update all those years ago. But the Cosby joke was about the courage in presenting it in the first place, so I'm totally behind that, too. :)

That totally makes sense. I'm normally like clockwork every month so every once in a while when stress delays the flood, I become convinced that there is a bun in the oven.

How will they report it? Easy — they won't.

But it also attracts these dudes.

As a chocolate lover, my only option would be....

Absolutely not! Have you not seen Ghostbusters II?!? I'm almost positive that pink slime is toxic.

Mmm...ribbon candy!

I had no idea they talk about any of that shit. Horrifying.

I try to avoid all things Kardashian, but isn't it even beneath them to refer to themselves as glamorous and glowing?

i'm just glad i'm not the ass to start this pun war.

i'm grateful for all y'alls (yes, that is the plural possessive) perspectives, because when i saw this photo, it didn't look at all out of the ordinary. this is what a lifetime in texas does to person. you get used to guns in portraits. i'm frankly stunned that walmart told them no.*

"LIBERTÉ, ÉGALITÉ, FRATERNITÉ, MOTHERFUCKERS!"

"To automatically to be lumped into that category of a gang... that hits a little close to home for us, because that isn't our intent at all," Strobl said.

OMG, you linked to a Slut Machine article! I am feeling a little verklempt.

Matt, quit making burners to post about how hot you are. We've discussed this.