Wait. Is She-Gambit a thing? Fuck you. You made that up. You drew that in study hall in sixth grade and hope Kevin Feige is gonna see it and hire you. I know how this shit works. THEY NEVER CALL, MAN. LET IT GO.

"Being hit by a car" is a little-known alter ego of Booster Gold.

Batman isn't a Superhero and Superman sucks. Anyway the greatest Superheroes are America's Teachers! And Captain America.

Editor's note: Half the names on this list are fake.

I know someone else already said it, but your beer articles really are one of my favorite parts of Deadspin.

I have been absolutely in love with Deschutes Chainbreaker White IPA. It's hoppy without being insane, and wheaty, which is my preferred session-drinking style. It goes down crazy smooth too so it can serve it's purpose when drinking to get a buzz, although it's ABV is somewhere between 4% and 5% if I'm not mistaken,…

Humans average growth declined when agriculture was introduced.

Americans are fat because they eat too many refined carbohydrates and do no exercise. That has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the gluten content of their food. Gluten is a protein composite.

"Gluten-free" is not a healthier eating habit. "Refined starch-free" and "beer-free" and "tons and tons of excess calories-free" are healthy eating habits. Whether they do or do not include gluten is completely irrelevant to their healthfulness.

For my money, Cascade Brewing in Portland, OR is the best brewery in the country if we are talking complexity and just general deliciousness.

You need to get some, Will.

The part of the country that is the southeast.

Get yourself some Elysian The Great Pumpkin, it's well done.

Coach Whisenhunt: Sweep the leg.

I believe you mean . . . "which Van Gundy."

oh look, my twitter avatar. thanks for the credit deadspin.

I know. I did it very deliberately, because any word with anal in it makes me laugh like a very small and stupid child.

Man, they're not even, like, basil-infused or something? C'mon! I could make fancier cubes than that and I'm not even an ice cube artisan!

Onlookers could also tell the Ole Miss fan was drunk due to his repeated insistence that the Volunteer QB was the only ten he saw.

This may be a good place to note that neither Hinchey, MLSsoccer.com senior editor Nick Firchau, MLSsoccer.com editor-in-chief Greg Lalas, VP of MLS Digital Chris Schlosser, or MLS PR have anything to say about this subject. They've ignored all attempts to get their side of the story.

Did Hinchey seriously think he was making some kind of sick burn by bringing up the fact the fact that the team's beat reporter is a meteorologist who covers the team as a side gig? That's more embarrassing for the team than it is for the reporter.