“AND extraextraextraextraextraextraextra tartar sauce.”

Avocados at Law!

So it’s hot as balls outside when my vagina overheats are you saying that it is hazardous to run 50/50 coolant through my vagina? Does this also apply in winter with anti- freeze? I’m in California so the anti freeze thing doesn’t always happen but it can get below freezing where I’m at in the state.

It’s called having a “frap”.

Cocktail sauce is really easy! You just pour out ketchup into a mixing bowl, and then yell at it.

I have this vision of us younger generations when we become old people: pointlessly berating android servers for giving us the wrong coffee flavored beverage whose name fills half a page, pounding on the 3D Surgi-Vend Pro machine that ate their $20 but incorrectly implanted their new minicomputer chip, and in the…

It is fantastic news and really a testimonial to the power of an organized group of women who refuse to quit. I am so glad that my parents will get to return to teach for at least another year but I am even more glad for the students who will get the chance to have an education at that wonderful, beautiful place.

Oh he’s definitely a subscriber:

One time my cat pissed me off so much I shut her in the laundry room for three hours just to not look at her. As I did so, I told her “And you know why I get to do this? BECAUSE YOU’RE A FUCKING CAT!”

BECAUSE POTATO SALAD GUY WAS AN ENTREPRENEUR LIVING THE DREAM BUT THIS MOOCHING BABY SHOULD PULL ITSELF UP BY ITS UMBILICAL CORD BOOTSTRAPS

I used to work for the tabloids, so it’s not a question of if I have a story, but which one I tell the Jezzies.
There was the time Dave Navaro refused to be interviewed unless I gave him a blow-job. He had just married Carmen Electra.
There was the time on a red carpet that a very drunk Gary Busey asked me how, a…

Yeah, but how does it compare to Jack White’s guacamole recipe?

We all just got charged $2.95 for reading this.

Thank you for writing this and for sharing this person’s story. I hope this gets mainpaged on every website across the interwebs. My daughter has a serious allergy to tree nuts (as in her throat will swell shut and she could die) and a good fifty percent of the time, when asking the server about the ingredients of a…

Panic button? Luxury. The library I work at has to make do with two baked bean tins connected with string!

My father was a self-described pagan who’d been halfway through a conversion to Catholicism when he died. None of us knew; we found out when the local priest saw his obituary and called the funeral home. I didn’t believe it until I found the Catechism in his house, full of his notes. The priest, who none of us had…

This is like people who pronounce “bagel” like “baggle”.

Hi Kelly