Family Circus and Marmaduke are two of the worst things in human history, non-murder/war division.

Roberto Cemente

The NYT piece is definitely a solid primer on how not to buy a piano, but if you specifically want to not buy a piano, proceed as follows:

NYT’s got you covered here.

Step 1: be literally the only person who moves to Mississippi to go to grad school.

Hortelano’s name shouldn’t be too unfamiliar to U.S. audiences; he competed at Cornell where he was All-Ivy Academic as a biological engineering major.

“Hortelano’s name shouldn’t be too unfamiliar to U.S. audiences; he competed at Cornell.”

So familiar with this guy from my days scouting all-ivy academic sprinters

With 4 dingers and 1 dong, Tom Ley is the new leader for most dongs/dingers in one article. Redford has previously put up 4 dingers in a single article but Ley’s third sentence dong put him over the top. However, Redford still leads the pack with 20 dongs and 52 dingers.