I woke up full of bruises, sore, and on a bed next to a nightstand that had a tiny treehouse full of tiny troll figurines. That's all I'm saying.

So did I. In a way, that fact alone makes it the single greatest story ever. A psychological thriller to boot, in my case.

Exactly, I was going to say the same thing, how do you even hold up a concrete wall?! It's amazing. Rest in peace, young man.

That's what I was going to say, you can't have a list without Victoria, and the single best one of all: Indio, a former poor man's beer reclaimed by the uppity and hipster for its taste and all around awesomeness.

Except that his sex offense should be written on the t-shirt, in that horrible font, in big bold letters.

The ghost of Isaac Newton wants to sue as well. Also, the Earth is thinking of a class action suit alongside most celestial bodies.

One boot goes inside each paw. It's tricky, because as a human, you tend to think that when you're done putting on the two on the hind legs that you're done, but if you get past it, you'll realize you have two more to go. You put those last two on, and presto!

So he is basically saying that if Beyoncé went away, teen pregnancy would go away? ...I'm sorry America, but I don't think that's a trade we can accept.

Chilango. :) The air, among a host of other things are quite enough to get you killed. Yet there are, quite literally, thousands of tourists teeming the streets. I wonder if they have trouble breathing.

i want to know what kind of pollition too. I live in Mexico city, and I'm pretty sure I smell this fragrance naturally every day. (And free!)

Interestingly enough, I'm currently dieting and I *don't* eat soup. Would I be shunned from the Jennyverse?

I'm not really that familiar with either of their oeuvres, and I can't play! And I just wanted to whine about it.

My question is: what happened after the funeral? Did they take her home or laid her to rest?

Just you watch, and someone is bound to come up with the #shittie, a selfie of...well, you know.

Oh Adele Dazeem, how I love thee.

I picture him sort of like a Midwestern hairier Zohan. Am I right?

At least they didn't photoshop a thigh gap on him.

Oh my! She looks like a full fledged professional baby already and she's a newborn! (You know what I mean, my beloved kid looked like a gooey stretch armstrong for at least a day.)

Agreed. It's like, "If I wanted to use hands, I would have used mine, you know?"

If someone made this to me with an engagment ring underneath, I'd say yes. And I'm a man. And I'm already married.