It would have caused a collapse of the space time continuum.

An angry Baylor fan went up to confront MOB members after the performance. Rice students calmed the situation and walked him to concourse

He’s in a Whole Foods.

Also obama's black. So racism doesn't exist.

Produce is fucking expensive these days!

Thanks for the spoilers! :D /s

OK yeah, but besides that? Why not like an aerial tanker full of sticky glue? Why not dump a bunch of sand on him? Why not play Skrillex at super high volumes at him until he gave up?

Yeah, you actually loose a lot of those rights when you scream “I HAVE A LIVE EXPLOSIVE DEVICE.DO NOT APPROACH.” and there are innocent people around. Thus the robot bomb. Its really not that complicated people.

Sleeping gas doesn’t exist.

Sounds a lot like something someone from the Illuminati would say...

The Ultimate Warrior (James Brian Hellwig) was born in Crawfordsville, IN which is also the home of General Lew Wallace who wrote the timeless classic “Ben-Hur”. “Ben-Hur” the movie has been remade and comes out in August. It stars Jack Huston. Jack Huston and LeBron James have a Bacon Number of 2 (Tilda Swinton was…

The Cardinals plan to follow Jesus’s example and stop at 33.

11.5 is a great number. So is +166 and 26 over .500 and winning at home.

Also, your cops like to shoot innocent poor people.

You’re really gonna do this all season? Really?

After that pun, take a Holliday and reassess your life.

“I wanna be a race car passenger.” - Mitch Hedberg

July 7: double-header against the Cubs. We could get two updates in one day!

That’s just Wong.