“I don’t want to work for your poverty-level minimum wage, but I don’t want it to get any higher, either.”

Stop getting my hopes up, man.

“How do you stop a black kid from jumping on the bed?” he asked. “You put velcro on the ceiling!”

You know this bitch only speaks English.

Right?

I’ve just always had a not-ideal body. Can I join this club?

Politicians are responsible for all the wars. Your 18-year-old neighbor who just wants to eat pizza and watch Netflix has nothing to do with it, regardless of gender.

Bold of you to assume he hasn’t yet.

It’s almost as though the Youths want a planet to live on in their adulthood. Shocking!

Come on. We both know they’ll pull the same shit. 

YUP.

But boy howdy, does it like fetuses.

This.

Ah, but see, getting to harass the bartender was supposed to be part of the experience! When she stands up for herself and shit it ruins some of the fun.

Oh man, that does sound good.

I mean, if it’s going into HOT beer, the egg will be safe to ingest pretty quickly, I’d think.

From context, I assume hers was a wanted pregnancy, which is why it was traumatic.

Do angels sing every time you look at this shelf?

Given her history of gleefully appropriating shit when it’s trendy, I’m taking her “queer” identity with an ocean of salt.

Yeah, I’m not buying the “I’m super-duper queer now” narrative, either.