Okay, you just train-wrecked my brain, because I’m completely focused on visualizing twinkies given out on Halloween. I can’t decide if, as a kid, I’d have been excited or bummed it wasn’t chocolate.

My first thought was, man, I sure hope he has unlimited calls and data on his cell plan.

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PLUS, you can use code “FA162851" to get an additional 20% off, OR code “FESTIVAL” to get free ground shipping on…

Right. It’s basically ensuring that if someone DOES live through it, they are tortured emotionally for the rest of their lives.

Right. “I’m not even talking to my ex wife. I’m just standing outside her apartment day and night, following her to work, parking next to her at the grocery store, having dinner at the same restaurant where she has a date, calling her on the phone and hanging up when she answers... I haven’t THREATENED her.”

Plus, it looks like she’d have to have no vaginal opening whatsoever. Otherwise, yeah, have your labia’s gonna show. Nah, not for me.

Plus, then the tan lines when you’re out of the suit. SO WEIRDO. You have a leg tan up to your waist. It’s bizarre.

What’s so sad is that they fight like this, and one will actually break its own neck. Poor giraffe.

As an overly well-endowed first-generation Scottish-American, with a mix of Polish and Austrian on the other side, my pasty white self would like to just ask...

I want to star this more. SO MANY STARS.

Everyone wants to get famous on youtube for “helping” like those people who rescue beached dolpins. People are morons.

I feel like he burned through daddy’s money, and then the rest of his life is one giant Ponzi scheme. He basically borrows on one interest to pay for another one, then has the first go bankrupt so he doesn’t have to pay back the money, and continues on. He has NO money, just passes losses from one investment to…

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Yeah, tough to not imagine that a rich white guy who chose to ignore the poisoning of a city full of little black kids is not one of the most vile and evil creatures lurking on the face of the earth.

Michigan Governor Rick Snyder.

Kermit? It’s gotta be Kermit, right?

I snort laughed.

My ex brother-in-law was adamant that he wanted to name my oldest nephew Fred. So sometimes we still refer to Matthew as Fred. I think he’s a Fred at heart.

Oh. My. God. I honestly thought this was going to be an article about how some parents had been paid to “look the other way” during his abuse of their child. But no.

The really appalling thing was that I was a good kid. INTENSELY shy, which made me unpopular. But I was smart, quiet, non-intrusive. So it’s not like I was a jerk of a kid.