Hmmm... My friend, the one who recommended the Neato to me, she has two dogs and four cats and a mixture of carpet and hardwood as well as a much larger house than me. She loves it. But, she has a different make than I do. Mine gets stuck a lot more often than hers does and gets full faster. So maybe that has…

*I begged for a Neato for Christmas, refurbished, off Amazon–And received. It is a life saver. *That, once a week dusting, *hardwood floors, and *keeping up on the laundry (bedding) helps, especially since I have allergies and am allergic to my two beautiful cats. *Also, I have a microfiber couch and once a month I’ll…

Why is Kristen Stewart now Jennifer Lawrence on here? This is not snark. This is an honest question.

I love you.

Is that the one they (Jezebel) recently talked about where she did naughty things under the desk with her boss?

She recently sang about Tinder and then did her music video to her ‘date’ from Tinder. I did not understand but found myself enjoying the song nonetheless. Unfortunately. Damn her catchy tunes!

HAH! Perfect.

ugh.

YYYEEESSSSSS. I believe, like, in my deepest heart of hearts (I don’t know what that actually means, jumboshrimp) that I am extremely intuitive and people who refuse to admit I’m right refuse to acknowledge their feelings. VALIDATED.

DYING. Used to walk Costco behind my dad as he just let.them.rip. I couldn’t. Couldn’t handle it. He would walk faster the faster they came in an attempt to outwalk them. But I would be so annoyed to be at butt level that I would start loudly asking him why he can’t stop “Farting in public, dad.”

DONE. And we both win, btw.

Are you the body language expert cited in the tabloids? You are, aren’t you? I knew it. No but yah, sometimes I think the ‘vibes’ I get are because I’m looking at stuff and not realizing it but it’s their body language. She’s just always struck me (or rather, the her that I’ve read about and seen in interviews, so the…

We are pretty. And sparkly. And we smell nice, too.

Welp. Either way, I obviously wasn’t invited into their courtship and marriage and divorce so I’m not allowed to know anything. So I can’t say for certain. But I will say this, HE SHOULD NOT HAVE DONE WHATEVER HE DID BECAUSE REASONS. AND SHE SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID THOSE THINGS SHE SAID BECAUSE THINGS. GOD, THIS IS…

HAHAHAHAHA, I actually used to play her CD on repeat. So I can’t come at you with that. I’ll dance with you if you want though.

OK, so I’m not crazy. I know I read some quote that they were engaged when she was 21 but they broke it off because she was like, “What am I, crazy? I’m too young for that!” And then they got back together shortly after and immediately married.

UH OH. Which word?

Buuuut... Like... They’re hot? So, like... It should have werked?

Pinched lips, big gulp, awkward shuffle. Hair tuck.

I FELT LIKE THE ONLY PERSON ON THE FACE OF THE EARTH WHO KNEW WHAT ACTING WAS WHEN THAT STUPID MOVIE WAS OUT.