“Kylo: So you know that thing I told you before? Yeah, the opposite of that. My bad.”

I’m flabbergasted by how you could so thoroughly miss the point. I really think you need to watch the movie again because you clearly decided that you hated it and completely missed...basically everything?

Did you forget Leia, the leader of the resistance, was still alive

Even if we judge Canto-Bight as a “failure,” what exactly was Cloud City?

The Falcon stays broken, Han gets captured, Luke loses a hand, and Lando loses control of the whole operation.

Was that too not a failure?

And did NOBODY listen to what Yoda actually said in TLJ? “Pass on what you have learned: strength, mastery.…

You know, I just went back and watched Empire again, and it struck me how much it subverted A New Hope, and what we’d come to expect out of stories like the fantasy fairy tale that Episode IV was. The heroes fight to beat the bad guys? No, the heroes fight to stay alive long enough to escape. The hero gets the girl?…

Oh, fuck off. I loved TLJ. It’s my second-favorite Star Wars movie. And, hey, I didn’t break a sweat at all typing that.

The final image of a film is a little boy inspired by the story of Luke Skywalker using the force to hold the broom up like a lightsaber. Luke is dead but his story inspires the next generation to fight for what’s right. Not only does this not say “this doesn’t matter” it is literally the best argument ever made for…

One month is nothing - the original Crisis took a year to play out in the comics.

Stop trying to spin a defective, premium product into something positive...

Bless your heart.

Counterpoint: opinions of whiny nerds on Reddit count for less than nothing. This remind me of those MRAs who publicly congratulated selves for hurting box office of most popular movie of all time. Know why Last Jedi made 1.3 billion dollars? Because lot of people liked it.

Based on your track record, you’re right. You will absolutely NEVER cease to be amazed at this perceived slight. Right up to your dying day, you will continue to mewl and whinge like a helpless infant bird for the regurgitated masticate of things you like that already exist. And in your pea-brained baby-bird logic,…

You can always tell the people who picked up their Looney Tunes fandom from boardwalk t-shirts circa 1995.

THIS.

Sad to report that Spotify doesn’t carry this gem.

Also forgot: Empire teasing Force Leia (“no.... there is another...) and Jedi farting on it, so Rian Johnson has her Force-summoning herself to safety after getting blasted out into space. Fuck yes, finally someone picked up that loose end.

Also known as a list of reasons why this movie ruled. And I guess it’s also a pretty accurate list of reasons why so many Real Fans™ hated it.