How do I want to bury my father? Preferably pieced out to the seven corners of the world so he can never reincarnate and haunt the world.

Has any team had a more disastrous offseason than the 49ers? Patrick Willis, Justin Smith, and Chris Borland all retiring. Frank Gore, gone. Mike Iupati, gone. Chris Culliver, gone. Michael Crabtree, probably gone.

How many articles is Deadspin going to do to drive home the point that the NCAA sucks? We get it already, holy shit.

Kinda weird that people are taking pictures of Bill Simmons' car.

Damnit. I just posted a Road Rash reference.

What? You can't road rage on two wheels? Pffft.

His scholarship didn't run out, he was eligible for a medical exemption. He just chose to leave Louisville and be closer to home.

No. He got medically shut down after coming back from the leg injury and decided to leave, presumably to get more playing time and be closer to home.

Ware left Louisville on his own terms.

Ware left Louisville last April so that he could go to school closer to home.

I've got serious doubts about a soon to be 32 year old running back continuing to be productive.

Gotta highlight the haters.

8008135 ?

What I want to know is, who gave you the terms for the next Russell Wilson contract?

Yea man, that Gulf War was stupid and completely uncalled for. Should have just let Saddam's army march to Saudi Arabia.

What's it like to be so window-licking stupid? Does it hurt?

What an edgy and well thought out post for the military-themed Jalopnik sub-blog. Without military technology a lot of what you take advantage of today doesn't exist or is a glimmer in researchers' eyes. Internet? Military. GPS? Military. Satellites? Computers? Thanks Uncle Sam. But yea man, fuck the military and…

"Conceal carry" and "Desert Eagle" don't really go together. Its like saying you hide a samurai sword under your jacket.

Watch the video. She pulls him back and away from the fight and then lets go. She was just breaking up the fight.

Looked under the middle row seat and found a POUND OF HAMBURGER?! jammed underneath, with an expiration date of about 3 months prior. With live maggots protruding out of the packaging. She actually tried to get insurance to cover checkout time and a full interior detail for that. From what I remember her insurance…