Have you ever seen Snowden and Scissorhands in the same place tho.

This bear is all of us.

OMG! I had a friend who worked for the park service. She said she was talking about how glaciers were formed millions of years ago and some dude got all “well, if you BELIEVE in millions of years”! Like the entire concept of “a million years” was 100% foreign to this dummy’s brain. We had a good chuckle over that one.…

And, to be fair, I need much better training when guests are over.

Right? I’ve been to St. John twice and have specifically put “see a fucking starfish” on my list but I haven’t seen one (yet, I’ll be back damn it!) I never once thought about writing an angry letter to the island or the National Park Service about it. I might have to now though, just for fun.

They're hiding in the geyser. You have to get up real close and stick you head in to see 'em.

Well, they did capitalize it. Maybe they were hoping to see Bears, the famed Jezebel commenter?

“I lugged this archaic camera all the way out here and didn’t have one Kodiak moment!”

We don’t do showers in the UK; they’re viewed as grasping and tacky. But if I got an invitation stating no boxed gifts, my gift would be lots of tupperware boxes, individually wrapped.

This is not the mini-fridge I was looking for...but now that I’ve seen it, fuck and yeah.

For six packs of b......... soda.

This is one of those solid state coolers that don’t do a particularly great job of actually cooling stuff. They don’t get all that cold and aren’t very good at removing heat. If you chill your drinks in a real fridge beforehand you can put them in one of these and it will keep them cool, but if you put a bunch of warm…

as a gamer in highschool I knew about bawls but never had it. I mostly just drank sugarfree redbull if I needed energy but I could stay awake for hours with no caffeine back then. However, the day I left for college I hadn’t slept the night before due to saying goodbye to people and some last minute packing. So I…

We were debating whether to get a mini-fridge for our bar area.

What’s after Undecillion?

I kept reading polish week as Polish week, in which case I imagine the prep is less manicure and more:

This reminds me of the famous Onion article, "Marilyn Mansion Now Going Door-to-Door Trying to Shock People."

That evening, Linda Schmidt was preparing to drive her daughter Alyssa to a Girl Scouts meeting when she found Manson standing on her porch draped in sheep entrails.

I'm the third act of every movie you've ever seen

Great point!

Gremlins 2 had it down: