Nah. Maybe we just don't make out enough?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA this is perf

Scruff!

Beards, ah, beards. A topic I would love to discuss at length.My husband has to shave every spring because he dresses up as an 1820's US Army soldier and other various historic roles, and the stupid US Army didn't allow beards in the 1820's so he can't have one at work. Stupid army!

Aw, man, my sis is going to be super-pissed if she doesn't have her baby the same day as the princess. They're both named Kate, both pregnant, due any day—I wouldn't put it past her to do everything she can to get her baby to come. (I mean, everything rational and healthy, of course.)

I'd be surprised if they didn't get an article up in the next few hours covering that article. (By covering I mean giving us a hyperlink and then letting us have a comment-fest, which I appreciate but which also disappoints me. Will the author of that Jezebel article have anything further to contribute, or just give…

One time at a party my friend introduced me to his friend Rio, and asked me to guess where Rio was from. NOT FAIR. They were standing there all smug, because hello, there are like a zillion places on Earth I haven't been and your who-is-more-cultured game is fun for you only. How was I supposed to guess? People look…

I was breastfeeding in my church's nursery (IN THE NURSERY) and one of the daughters of a "main" church family (you know, mom in charge of children's ministries, dad leads worship, everyone loves and respects them) eyed me and said, "You know my dad could come in here at any moment." She's 8.

GIANT EYE ROLL

There's a pretty big spoon and cherry if you like things that are big and not dragons... Ok. Minnesota is boring. *sigh*

Ok, for comparison:

Ok, maybe I'm having an uncanny valley moment or something, but I'm pretty sure I know how bodies generally look, so tell me: am I crazy, or are the womens' crotches at least 2-3 inches too high? I know how pelvic bones look, and there should be bones lower than that based on where their hips are. Maybe they're just…

Prepare for your minds to be blown... because I and my friends exist! Wooo! Both Christian and feminist! And even liberal!

Aw, now this just seems mean. You could find hundreds of thousands of cardigan-wearing coffee-and-gossip blog posts by earnest Christian women like this. I don't find it funny, it's just sorta sad. And she'll probably end up really embarrassed that you're making fun of her. Even if she's wrong, she's toeing a pretty…

That gif is a-m-a-z-i-n-g!

You must be swift as a coursing river!

I have dreams of hiring someone incredibly charming to do the promotion for me for the book I'm writing. I'm going to create a pseudonym with a complicated hermit backstory and then have my charming person do press on behalf of that person. Why? Because I'm hella shy. Using what money? The money from my lavish…

Holy buckets, if I were to sell 1,500 copies of my first book, I would cry tears of joy. Seriously, no joke. That many people reading my work? That's insane. If 100 people read my book I'll be shocked and pleased.

I know, right? Happy... wedding... day?

See, this shows how Minnesota is the perfect storm of big families, low costs, and a giant inferiority complex that makes everyone want to compete to show that they're still fancy and cool even though they're in Minnesota. At least, in the Twin Cities. Maybe the boonies are different.