I'll go ahead and be the one to ask the awkward question on everyone's mind here: if you lose, does Kanye's mother go to hell?

Yeah, I took that whole tweet to be a much bigger dig at Ray than Kim.

It's not about having a man "nut" on you, it is about having RAY J do it. Marinate in that.

"The funny thing is I'm all for a woman making something out of nothing."

She didn't want anyone messing with her little sis.... except for 25 year old men. Got it.

She IS classy...she could have mentioned the golden shower part.

If "we are all headed to the grave" anyways, why bother being a (judgmental) jogging "warrior"? Just let your body begin its inevitable decay a few decades early!

You really shouldn't run in Chuck Taylors.

I'm sure you have enough muscle from patting yourself on the back. No one is judging committed atheletes, but not everyone has the time or will to be one.

What? If someone's gonna be a little holier-healthier-happier-than-though forgiveness angel then I'm gonna be a twisted little truth monkey pointing out the obvious. Idealization is easier with dead people.

I mean, you just can't predict stupid sometimes. There's no way to. I try every day, and get it wrong at least once. When it's busy (retail) it's a LOT harder.

Brian Williams once told me this story. We were hot air ballooning at the time

How does it feel getting caught in a lie?

Just as fresh as it was in 1981! Reminds me of the years I spent riding around in my wagon with my imaginary tiger friends, I tell ya. We had some great times.

wut

Wow, you just really want to make things the server's fault, don't you? Also, re-read the root beer story. He was TRYING to explain when she started shouting at him. So you have one story out of seven that would've been shortened (but wouldn't be as funny) if the server had asked a question or tried to clarify…

In his case, he looks at all the gluten as he's eating it.

The Whole Wheat Toast is the best, because it was so obvious once I read it fully, but at that same time I had no idea of the punchline until the end.

"I ORDERED WHOLE WHEAT TOAST FOUR TIMES AND YOU GUYS KEEP CUTTING IT IN HALF!"

This post is Food Babe Science (tm) Approved!