Looks like Peterson finally learned not to go for the switch.

I think Bosa’s attitude had less to do with old college grudges than with the well known fact he just hates the browns. 

Ain’t no Cousins apologizing for butt stuff down here.

Well, he’s not Poor Rodriguez.

That’s because you collapsed from heat exhaustion within sight of the finish line!

Wow, another Harvard kid deported. 

Roxanne! You don’t have to put on that red hat.

Amateur

God, that line at the end. Crying at my desk. Thank you for writing and publishing this.

Y’know, I really wish someone would tell these sports entities to (checks notes) “stick to sports”...

That could be the end of her career. No matter what it will take time to replace USA Gymnastics and their careers are already so short. I can understand her not wanting to give up her dream in her prime years.

I mentally fast forwarded to being on death’s door, and envisioned my kid asking me that question, and I decided I’d tell him “Record the game first, and then only play it for me if it’s a good one. Lie to me about what time it is. Let me think that the game is live, and my team is winning. Usher me into the sweet…

What are you talking about. There are multiple references. Specifically where it comes from:

“Hi, I’d like to report a murder.

I know you’re just teasing him, but Elway has proven time and again that he’s the glue that holds this team together. 

It’s even better if you mix up the letters. ‘This Nate Peterman Is Growing On Me’ in an anagram for ‘Warmongering Penis Neath Some Tit’

People who enjoy competent football?

If you ask Nike, yes

Really, you just need to look at his background to see where this stuff comes from:

I think most Deadspin readers would agree that Luis is the resident soccer knower, and Haisley is the resident soccer idiot