Step one: DON’T PUT IT IN THE MICROWAVE, YOU DRIVELING HEATHEN.

Saw the author was HamNo, assumed the answer was to watch society crumble around you, then use those crumbles as a sweet topping.

As a fellow disgusting sweaty male let me just say: undershirts do NOTHING for a guy who sweats that much. They can wick the equivalent of lake superior but you’re still going to be a nasty mess. My wife will flat out refuse to slowdance with me at weddings after a certain point in the evening because I get so sweaty.

Bushmills? That’s protestant whiskey!

Only the second-most humiliating thing attached to Hogan that Gawker has published

If it wasn’t already obvious it’s 100% fake, the photo editor missed a huge detail by not changing the rear-end shadow to reflect a shorter vehicle. Good effort, though.

“a young man could graft the superheroic fantasies that adults thought were sweet and silly onto a real rage... That had always been Jerry and Joe’s special insight: You could want the invulnerability and the power, but you had to laugh to keep people from knowing how badly you wanted it.”

OH MY GOD I ACTUALLY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO DO THIS TO A CAT CALLER THE OTHER DAY AND I DID AND IT WAS AMAZING ok that’s all

“Sadly it lacked the finesse of art-film maker Michael Bay.”

Obligatory.

Will there be a trip through the East coast area where the white guy meets zany characters? Including a wise man of color? Does he bed a free spirited woman who teaches him something about his life? Will he come back to his roots at the end and understand himself a bit better and speak of the skies and the end of…

How much do you guys wanna pay me to write a Jonathan Franzen novel? It’s about a dissatisfied upper-middle-class white genius who doesn’t feel challenged by his wife. But it’s really about, like, America.

Saying “Highlight of the NFL offseason” is like saying “Refreshing moment of candor from Charles Krauthammer.”

Sessions does not differentiate between the performed tricks of David Copperfield

Ugh, even I hate that one. Sorry, everyone. -1

Weird, right? It’s like there’s something about him and his circumstances that makes the justice system go easier on him than other convicted criminals.

Aliens? Not happy.