Fuck. That. Last thing I need is some robot giving me a mechanical snatch, turning my G spot into a 4G spot and having people pirate Game of Thrones through my hoo ha.

it’s just a picture of legs that cuts to an image of a man standing in a burning house and he has a goat head and his eyes are the black of the void and then it cuts back to an image of legs with paint on them and then it’s the goat headed man and he’s closer to the foreground and I can smell sulfur and then it cuts…

Saw shiny, oily legs in thumbnail on Twitter, paint now. The duality of man.

If you’re taking suggestions (and maybe you’re not -- that’s okay!), a Jezebel enamel pin would be great.

It would be really great if you could team up with some of the artists who have done illustrations for the site and sell merch with their artwork on it. I love Jez, but I don’t want to wear a t-shirt with just the Jez logo on it, sorry. I will, however, shell out major bucks for some Tara Jacoby artwork on a shirt.

Yes yes YES. This comment is everything. “He sues HER just for speaking up about it.” Attach this problem and ideology to learned male sexual entitlement, “women’s bodies are for us, not for you.” If a man touches a woman and she complains, why must she make such a “big deal” out of it. If a woman wants an…

That’s probably my least favorite complaint about Swift. Paris Hilton tried to buy her way into a music career, but nobody cared and nobody bought her music. Yes, it helped that Taylor had her dad fund the earliest part of her career, but once her career took off, it was all her. Daddy isn’t buying up the millions and…

She’s rich- as is with the internet, it always boils down to “you think you’re better than me?!”

One can only hope. I used to wonder why they named him Barron. It must suck to know that you were named after your dad’s alias. Maybe that’s why he’s sad?

WHY IS MELANIA’S CAPE EDGE FLYING LIKE SHE’S IN A STIFF WIND?

Barron never seems to smile and I feel bad for him. He didn’t even smile at the balloon drop at the convention. Maybe at 10 he already realizes what a tool his father is.

Oh for fucks sake who gives a shit? Excuse me if I can’t be bothered with how the supermodels of the 90s weep for what (may or may not have) happened to their “craft.”

We did all the same things when my daughter was new. Dinosaur onesies! No bows! No sparkles! And we thought we got out of the unnecessary-gendering-of-too-small-children-thing unscathed. But now she’s almost 3 and she will hardly leave the house unless she’s dressed head to toe in the most awful Minnie Mouse or My…

• Huggies Little Snugglers - Mmmmm, nooo, we decided to cloth-diaper our child, you know, for the planet and future and stuff.

why is everyone so obsessed with gendering our babies so hard?! like, just make nice looking shit that won’t kill them! We can take it from there! i feel like the only stuff that is cute is definitely the overpriced designer stuff that they grow out of in 2 minutes. a nice neutral sweater and cute little plain…

You can make fun of the My Brest Friend pillow, the Boppy, and the Jumperoo all you want, but they made that first year so much more bearable.

Hey!, my home is coated in gold like that although my lion is real, I ride it whenever I need to buy groceries.

Naw, we really want to hear more about your Canadian girlfriend.