If you switch the numbers in this chart, it applies to Russell Wilson instead

Ooohhh, I’m sorry, we were looking for “hot piece of ass.” We also would have accepted “chick with huge bazongas.”

Malt licker

“Jesus Christ tendy, you gonna pay attention this game or what?”

is that what the kids call it now? Cleaning the skillet?

You do what any other adult with an awesome kid does these days:
Film her tearing it up at the skate park, upload it to Youtube, and then watch it go viral on all the Facebook pages. Ovaries everywhere will explode over how awesome she is and then women in their twenties and thirties will lament that they didn’t get a…

If someone’s doing curls in the squat rack, it’s legal in all jurisdictions to discus-throw a 45-lb plate at his head. As a warning.

I can still smell the belts on that old Kirby. It smelled like America.

“I agree with Trent’s position on this and I spent the better part of 40 years not letting something as horrible as child rape interfere with my responsibilities to my football team.”

Sherpa? I never even met her!

Katmandidn’t

in training camp it has been reported that they will be “spending a lot of time” working on the two minute drill

One time I was having iced tea at a Vietnamese restaurant and they had a container of honey on the table. I put some in the tea to add some honey flavor and took a drink.

It turned out they do not have containers of honey on the table, it was fish sauce.

I hear Tebow is available

I travel a lot for work and have an important client in Indianapolis, and have walked around and tried to see the city as much as possible when I’m there. It’s fine. But of the cities in the same rough population tier (say, skip the top 10 and go to numbers 11 to 30 by population), the following are indisputably much,…

Upon learning of Quarless’ signing, The NFL lifted his suspension—believing a full season with the Lions was a more appropriate punishment.

George: “I saw Titanic. So that old woman, she’s just a liar, right?”

“Act like you’ve been there before”

I already know how to act at fancy restaurants thank you very much.

Does “being productive” include dicking around on Deadspin in the middle of the day?