He was good, friendly, affable, generous man. With a family. A small daughter. Who tortured and killed animals to entertain a mob.

Should have watched The Incredibles and known the perils of a cape.

I for one will be disappointed if Golden State chooses not to go to Washington. Opportunities like this come along once in a lifetime, if that. I think the Warriors, provided they receive an invitation, had better think long and hard about how to respond. It is a personal meeting with the Goddamn President of the…

RIP Stuart Little.

62% of males aged 14-15 masturbated in the past year? Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. It’s likely that the other 38% didn’t answer as they were too busy masturbating.

Or maybe one time they fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked

I dunno, my experiences in California have shown me that you can’t swing a dead cat without hitting a few Teslas.

Whenever I drive/am driven/ride the train past the art museum, I like to imagine it’s actually the Palace of the King of Philadelphia. Furthermore, when I’m at the museum, I pretend that I am said king, roaming my spacious halls and inspecting my art collection, enjoying the echo of my footsteps.

How can anything the guards do be considered excessive? They are about to be boarded by armed pirates who will kill if they feel it is necessary. Pretty sure ‘about to be boarded by pirates with rifles who are going to kidnap and take us hostage and all of our cargo’ justifies deadly force.

Hernandez learned everything he knew about the Bible from Tim Tebow, which explains why his understanding of it was incomplete.

I’ve got to figure out how to talk about this in a family-friendly way.

“This incident, understandably, is going a bit wider.”

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

Tempest in a teapot, and I say that as a heavy Twitter user. A tiny number of people will use this to be assholes, but there are only so many ways to be an asshole with this, and the rest of the time I’ll be glad to have those characters back.

“assuming I’m right about that”

Because too much proselytizing can be annoying, even when you agree with it.

There’s also a photo of her blistered hand, but honestly, it’s a bit much. Click here to see it.

Does anyone really think cordless vacuums are for actual cleaning? All they do is replace bending your fat ass over to pick up Jimmy’s spilled cheerios. These things don’t generate nearly enough suction to accomplish anything remotely close to cleaning. They certainly can pick things up, but, picking things up =\=…

Does anyone really think cordless vacuums are for actual cleaning? All they do is replace bending your fat ass over…

I “love” recipes that do this. “total time, 30 minutes (if you already have all meat and vegetables chopped, grated garlic and ginger, and everything measured beforehand)“

Kim Kardashian.