Spoken like somebody who has never driven on the QEW

Why was he kidnapping a girl in the middle of the video?

That take is as neutral as the Senators forecheck

So you think Ovechkin is tough for playing off a dead leg, but Griffin is a little child for not being able to push through a debilitating injury to a integral part of the act of running and jumping.

“Hockey isn’t your thing.”

Wow, this guy just can’t stop killing people. 

You must be new to Deadspin Barry, we call those dongs here.

This is such bullshit. The Athletics are only a “large market” team if you judge the size of the market by the number of people in the area compared to other markets.

I dunno, but props to him for doing it.

That name’s too long. Let’s shorten it a little bit.

Dear Chase, I feel like I can call you Chase because you and me are so alike. I’d like to meet you one day, it would be great to have a catch. I know I can’t throw as fast as you but I think you’d be impressed with my speed. I love your hair, you run fast. Did you have a good relationship with your father? Me neither.…

Duck Fuckers!

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(earlier in the day)

Congratulations to the Cardinals for turning two double plays.

If the Earth were round, Giancarlo Stanton’s dingers would go straight into outer space. Think about it, you guys.

It’s not the glove that is the problem, it’s the fact that Lester has a serious case of the yips. Apparently it’s easier for him to throw a glove to first than a baseball, which is...super weird.

The Brewers haven’t been around for 93 years. This lady’s so full of shit.