Gah, why don’t these articles get properly edited. Blah Blah.

It’s not clear if the fact that he was being electronically monitored in any way facilitated his capture, but still, maybe try to not murder people while wearing a monitoring device.

This is too good:

Charlie Sheen messes with drugs every day and last I checked, he was winning...hard

A band-aid here, some duct tape here, a #blessed hashtag there. Fixed! Bring on the next stairwell.

Can you bring Valleywag back and make it a sub-blog of Deadspin?

Lazy comma uninspired troll job.

Fuck these people. I can only comment on Valleywag. Travel back to 2014 with me, and I will approve all your comments.

Duh, how else do you connect to the Internet?

I notice the author conveniently left out that the White Sox subsequently won the game thanks to the reinvigorated spirit these heroes breathed into the team and fans. For shame.

The guy made a million dollars!

Especially when bolstered by a vigorous “I am rubber you are glue” strategy.

...the true millennial definition is someone who was born before the end of the year 2000 (The millennium, not coincidentally) but did not turn 18 before the year 2000. So that would be anyone born between the beginning of 1983 and end of 2000.

My favorite part is how Google thinks these are important:

The dude dropping n-bombs and calling liberals racist and Nazis, in the same breath...wtf?

Lol. You're comments are so fucked up in the best way.

He must have something under those bangs that dare not be revealed.

Liar!

“I learned it from you, Diaz.”