Honestly, thank god the truck driver wasn't injured. That's all I have to say.

Should have worn the Lizzie Caplan suit from Mean Girls

Yeah, when they say "colorless," they actually meant colorless. Like black and white. I knew Hollywood wouldn't have the balls to go full Schindler's List up in this bitch.

Yes, I remember when Houdini performed his great "Shush, Ladies!" Disappearing Rape Crimes trick!

I'll take one of each, please! *dings bell*

Hey Phoenix - you might want to re-read your first bullet point! All those flashcards have made you rife for a homophone hijinks.

(You can delete this after, if you want. No hard feelings!)

They moved the goal posts to the back of the endzone after the 1973 season. Very astute observation sir.

This Is What MLB's Replay System Will Look Like:

Strange, because the funniest Greek prank is being hit in the face with a π.

Well then I'm tired of movies about slaves/ historical bio pics winning oscars, because hey, they're just telling a story ie doing their job.

Ear clipping is a disgusting practice, so the puppy shouldn't have had it done no matter what age he is.

Clipped ears at any age give me the sads. They should be outlawed along with tail docking and declawing.