This is your brain on drugs.

Only thing to make this batter is to wrap it in bacon!

When people call the NHL a Mom and Pop league I didn’t realize it was because they’re not letting us go out with our friends on school nights.

Phone markup is outrageous, and really I don’t know why people are willing to pay it, other than narcissim and that the products are designd with a built-in done-by date, meaning after a year or so, many are unable to function beyond the basic phone/text use as to be no better than your old-fashioned Nokia flip phone.…

At you kidding me? The hospital is ripping you off way harder than any car dealer ever could. They send your insurance company a sky high padded and feed bill to pay,you just never see it, and aren’t tallying up the ridiculous cost of your health insurance which is withdrawn from your pay automatically every month.

John Hammond: All major theme parks have delays. When they opened Disneyland in 1956, nothing worked!

Somebody crossed the streams...

Great, let’s ban windows and cats.

I’m laughing much more than I should be.

Like your mandatory hour on the exercise bike every day. You get healthier, we get the power. Win/win....NOW GET ON THE FUCKING BIKE!

“Don't be so critical." -Enrico Fermi-

Their job, which would pay a little money, would be to keep their mirror properly aligned all day.

This is the second time today I’ve seen Paris Hilton mentioned.

That is fine, but last I flew thru LAX on 3/26 the fuckers had ZERO bins available for us backing up the line for almost 200 feet. The guy kept calling for bins and nothing happened. He called a supervisor to come and look for bins. Almost an hour wait in security line because TSA doesnt have its shit together is a…

Wait. What? You mean there are actually other people on the planet besides myself? NO WAY! ...

Why? Because they've never flown before, have no awareness of their surroundings, or have no regard for other people and their time.

good catch on the binkies. Always had a spare or two in mine, but not since the binkies went bye bye.

What about condoms and lube for all that post apocalyptic sex?

then they will hike internet rates. “we have more customers using internet, we need more money to ensure quality service.”