I'm in. I learned many things from Smokey Mountain Christmas.

Picking up some carry-out and not getting anything for me is a shitty boyfriend. Near-drowning me is much more than that. Much more.

“Welcome to The Internet, the show where everything’s made up and the points truth doesn’t matter!”

Your post is reflective of the fact that these killings have become a political circus these days. Everyone just wants to make sure it helps their team instead of figuring out how to stop it from happening again.

The shooter in Colorado was “very Christian.” Conclusion? Religion is the root of much evil.

I’ll add some Lafayette to hammer the point home.

I’m just giving ya’ll that. We need something to make us smile. Because this country, this world, is fucking horrible, and the only thing that will save us is sloths. Sloths and liquor.

So you won't murder them when they cry all night and our species can keep going

The violence within PP’s walls? How about the violence against women like, everywhere? Maybe if we weren’t routinely raped, abused, murdered, discounted, ignored, silenced, underpaid, judged, shamed, and oh if you did something about that pesky have kids and torpedo your career thing, we’d want to have every baby. Oh…

In fact, Kasich has a record of supporting legislation that punishes women for being sexually active.

Thank you for your service, and your sense of responsibility.

Cop here. So let me get this straight...the five shot snub nose revolver I will conceal in my pocket (that isn’t terribly accurate outside of 7 yards) is the one piece of equipment that will stop the terrorists (packing bombs and automatic weapons?

That is one of the most precious creatures I've ever seen

I already made this part.

Great, so now there’s some fuckhead psycho who tried to finish the job that Richard Dear started? Ugh. I really need to build a spaceship and look for life elsewhere.

My money’s on a strangely light-skinned, white-haired mummy.

Starred for giving me a reason to post this.

To be fair, he did try to give her the D, it just got intercepted and taken back for 6.

I think your anger should be directed at the photographer or stylist, because I’m pretty sure Amy Schumer isn’t responsible for the concept. Besides that, you seem to think she should represent every woman, when she’s just representing herself; a woman in show business. Also, if you’ve never walked around your house…

Justin Timberlake