If I order a pizza and I’m not very hungry, I ask them to cut it into 4 slices so I don’t have to eat 8.

This is my moment in the ketchup-flavored sun.

Having spent 7 years working in a steakhouse, I can attest that there are exactly two kinds of adults who eat steak like this:

Ha! I FUCKING CALLED IT!

Level with me, Claire. Do you, in your heart of hearts, truly believe that turning bread on it’s side, onto a surface area of less than 1/2" for ease of cutting instead of using the entire surface area of it’s much larger and much flatter bottom is an efficient way of slicing quickly and evenly AND ALSO is worthy of…

i invited you. you had your chance. and now you’re sitting there writing passive aggressive blogs. we had a great time eating sheep dick and ram eyes on the rim of a frozen volcano that smelled like hellpoop! i’ve never seen so many “j’s” and “k’s” in my life! there was a man playing an instrument with strings that…

I’ve been to Iceland AND Wyoming.

Yeah but Dick Cheney has never lived in Iceland, so that’s HUGE factor in choosing it over Wyoming.

But they understand their audience and they know people in Miami really hate New York.

This is one time when SEO didn’t want to be found out.

Jared Kushner looks like the perfect, caring fiancé in a L&O SVU episode who is later revealed to have been kidnapping all those brunettes and dressing them up in his late mother’s clothes.

He was only off by two feet.

He really wanted a driver.

Our pilot, Thomas McQueen, will be laid to rest today.

I have some more polaroids, but if I showed you, I’d have to kill you.

Duh, everybody knows this is what a MiG looks like:

It’s an improvement. Another defense blog talking about the recent losses on the Kuznetsov talked about losing a MiG and a Sukhoi... then showed a Rafale landing on the de Gaulle as the main image.

“...Melania is extremely close to Baron,” the source told the Post, “and they have become closer during the campaign...”

Curt hasn’t been this invested in a trainwreck since 38 Studios.

Jess is such a fucking home wrecking skank. Bitch got me drunk on pinot grigio, put me to bed, and then fucked my husband Ken! Girl has issues. And she's poor.