If you've ever been chased by a flock of evil chickens and forced to hide on the big rock outside the barn of your Uncle Hank's farm in Michigan as a child, you will know WITHOUT A DOUBT that birds are just smaller, tastier velociraptors.

He's got a point. I mean, does anyone really know what order those frames belong in? Maybe Rice was agitated because his wife's unconscious body suddenly bounced up from the floor, headbutted his fist, and landed on her feet. That would freak me out, too!

Sometimes Pictured: Chris Berman trying to decide if he has the mojo to say what even he knows needs to be said.

His attempt to answer Cris Carter's question last week was so funny, I rewound it and watched it again. My wife came in and I then showed it to her. She insisted I rewind so she could see it again. Funniest thing on TV since "Gomer Pyle."

Maybe we take a more aggressive than usual break on watching commercials during NFL games today. They seem to enjoy blacking things out. Two can play at that.

I peed next to Dave Diehl at a friend-in-common's wedding in Champaign. This would not normally be remarkable, I suppose, but having not been around a lot of NFL players in my life, it was just shocking to see a guy like that in person. I am 6'7, 240 lbs, so I'm used to people gawking at me, asking about my height,…

Maybe people watch football because the fucking like watching football. Maybe all the billshit PR bells and whistles are for people who need to be told what to like. Maybe these are just my thoughts.

No, I'm saying YOU and the way you post can't possibly be hetero.

You aren't hetero, so don't bother with the asslicking apologies.

It's the color of vaginas.

What I'm implying is that it really isn't sexist at all.

Those kinds of ads are almost as bad as the 'She's', it's counter-reverse-sexism or something.

Eh. Let's be honest, Frozen was so-so.

Hmm, I guess Jezebel maybe shouldn't have spent the last five years shrieking that anyone who objects to the way Muslims treat women/girls is a racist, and it created some sort of unintended consequence where people are literally afraid to object to this sort of behavior. Who knew!

Tim, thanks for saying this. I love reading Deadspin but sometimes I just have to sit out the comments for this reason. Everyone else: good rape jokes are possible (see: Louis CK, Tig Notaro), but most of the time that's not what's being put out there — usually, it's lazy jokes at the expense of the victim, not the…