Superbowl is not on cable.

Metrosexuals have limp wrists, fluttering eyelashes, and lisps? Cool.

"no value beyond... handling"

The next person to mention preying Manti, I'm gonna rip his head off.

This is just too much. Deadspin readers, please feel free to join my friends and me tomorrow in what we plan to be a web-cast inducement of collective simultaneous Amnesia - aka Polynesia.

I am a 2nd year med student at U of Hawaii-Manoa. We just got our new DSM-5. There is a new diagnosis for when multiple persons involved in a fake death suddenly play dumb and suffer from simultaneous concurrent amnesia. It is called "Polynesia."

One Testicle Joke Placeholder (to be edited)

+1 This is all a conspiracy to get that loss vacated.

Wikipedia says her father was Josef Melelengei, aka the "Angel of BS"

Fuck yeah man! Because being more thorough is worse than being less thorough.

And I thought Hawaiians couldn't grow beards.

Met her? I ain't even notre.

Hatchback gates all open taller than the car, I have never heard of a hatch hitting any ceiling.

Football should have the same players on offense and defense.

I bet Tiger would want an appearance fee to show up to my local golf tournament. What an asshole!

ubastid +1

I'm sure I'm late on this, but this is the best writing I've ever seen from an ex-NFL player. Bravo.

Anthony and Lulu are husband and wife, I believe. Ridiculous. [unrelated to Brandon]

You hear about the guy who always went to the realest, most down-for-the-cause barbershop around?

usonovabich +1