"She opened her top and showed them her boobs, which Jennifer says were completely covered in 'the most beautiful angels and beautiful butterflies and baskets of flowers in pastel-colored tattoos.'"

What a coincidence ur comment is the saddest example of anal retention I've seen in quite some time.

Well, little girl or freshman at Arizona State.

"They were initially suspicious of the group of 11 guys but eventually realized they were innocent."

Bachelor parties just aren't the same when some uninvited stiff shows up.

Kale is POOR MAN'S LETTUCE or some such, amazing marketing getting everyone to eat this sulfurous weed. *sips kale smoothie disgusted with himself for buying into it* Superfood my ass

Did Mario Lopez just tell us he went down on Sarah Palin?

I'm betting they just had this big fucker carry them.

Tell us where you're grandmother is buried, and we'll build a stripmall over top.

OH THE NOBLE DINKS! They want to save the world by not having kids!

I give you 4 years before you're having a gender reveal party and themed birthday parties. I was you 4 years ago.

I had a huge knock-down-drag-out with my ex about overpopulation when she wanted to watch that atrocious 19 Kids and Counting or whatever the fuck they call that Fertile Myrtle show. I said it was outlandish and completely irresponsible to have that many children, and she countered with "yeah, but they take care of…

Congratulations. This article obviously wasn't meant for you.

Just keep in mind that otter on the right is probably dead, and that other otter is going to bang it, as is their dark river-rat custom.

You're mistaken. That poll wasn't about journalists, it was about celebrity talking heads. Those who actually report news weren't eligible.