Oh my God. Now I want to kill HIM instead of my ex. (I was going to post my story but it turns out my story really isn't all that bad compared to the shit you and others went through.)

Oh hells to the fucking no...

OK that is just evil.

You deserve to win this contest. This is absolutely horrible and I'm actually pissed off for you and your babies.

I LOVE that you went back for the Tupperware!!! Almost as much as the Tiger Balm in the 'hand' lotion. You're my hero.

OH MY GODDDDDD

I've told this story before here. But.

"Sorcia, I'm in love with your best friend [a dude with a hilariously ridiculous name that I cannot post here]. We're moving to Virginia and I hope you'll be happy for us."

Honestly - not because he was an asshole to me - but in my objective opinion he's a terrible writer. I don't know why he would value that letter so much, it wasn't even full of bad metaphors and waxing poetics, it was just sort of straightforward emotions like 'guilt' and 'angst' explored with pretty simple language.

"In said letter, he asked not for me to reply but for me to send his letter back because "it was a great writing sample and it was [his] only copy".

OMG that writing sample detail at the end is the best worst thing I've ever heard.

hahaha wow what a cockmongler

When he dumped me after my wisdom teeth surgery because he went out the night before and "had more fun with her."

Eva Mendes can take my sweatpants off my cold, dead body.

Homeboy wants kids but is not willing to make the sacrifices? Thats Grade-A bullshit right there.

At one point, she asked if he would consider quitting his job to be a stay-at-home father given how much he wanted a baby. "That just wasn't the plan he had in mind," she said.

"The kind of bombing you see on the nightly news…" You mean those bombs that they use on Planned Parenthood locations? The specifically NOT glittery variety?

I don't know, I would let this one slide. Saying "make it Perfect" instead of "sorry, I meant a Perfect Manhattan" would definitely get lost in the shuffle of dealing with pushy people all day.

The allergy one makes me remember yet again why my brother and sister-in-law have a fondness for Disney.

I was once in a "fancy" Chinese restaurant in Chicago for my birthday and they had just waxed the floors. EVERYONE was falling down. Servers, customers, everyone. It was bizarre and hilarious. The management was losing their minds over how many meals they were comping. I wiped out before I even got to my table. My…