I have found, “Shut the f*** up until I finish” works well too. Granted, in my workplace we tend to lob insults at each other unless a tour is in progress.

I would happily settle for a Death Note. A book that belongs to a god of death and if you write someone’s name in it, they will die. If you specify a means of death, it will happen (unless it is grossly unfeasible). If you do not specify a reason, they just drop dead of a heart attack in 3 minutes.

Similar story here--I was hanging out with some friends late at night and I heard footsteps behind me. I stopped, listened to the rapidly approaching footsteps (definitely approaching me), readied my kubotan, wheeled around to attack...and stopped myself with just enough time to avoid striking one of my idiot friends.

Pyrex FTW! I have recently encountered the other problem with plastic containers when several of my roommate’s containers were old enough to start breaking down. It is a icky, irritating mess...and kind of terrifying when you realize that someone likely has ingested some of it.

I have my own mug, but I just use my hands, with the occasional paper towel. I wouldn’t wash anything with our communal sponges--I regularly see the wands poking out of the garbage disposal because the slobs in my workplace cannot even put them away properly.
(...many of my coworkers just pile them up in the sink for…

Given the potential turnout of the upcoming election, this just might be the better option.

Bah, global warming would just bring that baby back out without assistance soon enough. ;-)

Yup, what was she supposed to say? “I feel like I am about to die because I cannot breathe, my body hurts, and everything is suffering and agony.” (At least, that is how I felt when I had pneumonia)

Personally, I tried to explain to my boss why several things he was implementing were going to go wrong, how they were going to go wrong, and how bad of a spot we would end up in. He ignored me (repeatedly), so I quit the additional duty.

Trump/GOP ripping off artists? It’s not like they have a history of that or anything...

Agreed—and many of our sisters fail to wash their hands after using the bathroom.

Seconded. Tampons led to spot bleeding and required a pad/liner anyways (...and don’t even get me started on removing a dry one). The cup was a comedy of errors. Pads are about as easy and straightforward as it gets.

When I roadtrip with my family/friends, I am the evil driver telling the males to stop drinking so many liquids because their frequent pit stop requirement is cutting into my daylight road time. I may or may not regularly use the term “gerbil bladder” to describe things.

I will give millennials credit, they care about food so much more than previous generations. This crappy processed, flavored, dyed, frozen garbage with added nutrients because all the original stuff was stripped out is not going to work anymore.

I still have a grudge against them because I flew with them several times, only to later find a news article about them cancelling “warm cookie service.” I never got a cookie. EVER.

As an air traffic controller, the American pilots have been the absolute WORST lately. One just got pissy with me because he wanted an opposite direction departure, but didn’t like the fact I did not part the seas of 10 other aircraft already established in the radar sequence (going in the RIGHT direction) to get him…

It is called “crabbing” and professional pilots train to land in crosswinds.

Nooo...controllers REALLY hate it when that happens. Do you have any idea how hard it is to suddenly start clearing aircraft for Runway 13 when you have been saying Runway 12 for years? :-)

...and the best part of those who hover is that THEY are the ones who fear piss on the seats the most! Yet they are the ones causing said piss on seat!

When I had corrective double-jaw surgery a couple years ago, my surgeon was kind enough to whack off my septum and move it into its “new” center position (it was already deviated). Interestingly enough, she told me NOT to blow my nose, but picking it was acceptable for the first 6 weeks of healing.