If your flat contains both Benedict Cumberbatch and tea then I would like to volunteer my services as the sexiest wolfabeast in your flat. I promise to be way sexier than all the other wolfabeasts.

On Dirt Bags like these I like to remember that time the police went to arrest Michael Lohan for harassment and he jumped out of a window and then hid in a tree and refused to come down. It's like my mind is smoking a cigarette. Ahhh.

Most of the comments on this article are hilarious. "It takes you 45 minutes to put on your make up? I can do mine in 3 minutes! IN A CAVE! WITH A BOX OF SCRAPS!"

Please do report them! You can do so by posting the comment's timestamp on [jezebel.com]. We mods need all the help you lovely folk can give us!

Started out as a handjob but evolved rapidly, shall we say?

Then I have successfully pulled the wool over your eyes!

RAWR indeed!

So in other words you would be... fleecing the company.

It must have been a terrible shock. I hope no one was hurt.

Unfortunately, this means I won't be able to watch On The Road as I am already in a committed, monogamous relationship with a double-handjob roadtrip movie. Damn my innate decency.

Where is your DECENCY, Kristen Stewart? A proper young lady should only have eyes for the ancient, undead creature who sabotages her car and breaks in through her bedroom window to watch her sleep.

The survivors of the nuclear fire called the war "Judgment Day". They lived only to face a new nightmare: Skynet's hitherto unanticipated gift for sarcasm.

Counts, totally counts.

Whoa, whoa, turn around bright eyes - what does Cormac McCarthy have to do with Coldplay?!

I spent the whole of The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier & Clay involuntarily picturing Joe as Joseph Gordon-Levitt. I then made the mistake of watching (500) Days of Summer shortly afterwards and I fear I was unable to fully appreciate that movie due to my concerns about how much the protagonist had already suffered…

Hardy was robbed of an Oscar nomination for that one. Jonah Hill, I say to you: whatevs.

It's a benevolent kind of crazy. A sort of genial, chatty, Tom-Hardy-what-on-earth-are-you-doing-in-that-photo kind of crazy.

Do you have any idea how much energy I expend on a daily basis trying to keep that image out of my head? I am exhausted.

Tom Hardy, il y a une fête dans mon pantalon et vous êtes invités.

Matthew Rhys? He doesn't look completely unBurtonly, and he can act. But I would feel terrible if he got cast in this. Don't read this, LiLo. This is a secret comment not for you.