Always happiness truthers.

Will we see some intense parkour? More importantly, where are the president masks?

Love him but also Davis Sedaris makes a lot of stuff up:

1812? You mean the war where your White House was burnt down, no land changed hands, stopped and defeated in engagements by rookie red coats/Canadians/Aboriginals and peace was made before Britain could send their regulars over?

I had a spacey friend in high school who had gone to an Italian restaurant and been served bread and olive oil for the first time. She became obsessed with it, and one night we were at another friends house and she came down the stairs eating the very same concoction, or so we thought. Upon entering the kitchen, I…

Not long after my wife and I got married, I found myself alone in the apartment with no food except for the remains of weeks-old birthday cake. I sat in the dark watching TV and ate it, and was surprised at how moist it still was after all that time. The wife came home from work after a while and turned on the lights,…

Hate to burst your bubble but your dad just created an elaborate ruse to rent a house in Hawaii for two months.

Was really hoping to get an in-depth look at how Tony Stark cheated his way to becoming a billionaire. Bummer.

I agree completely that most of last night’s episode felt hollow. (Bronn and Jaime’s miraculous timing, come the fuck on now. Tyrion’s dwarf-cock gag... come on now.)

Tom Hardy doesn’t make soulful eye contact with the camera as he takes a long, lusty, and most importantly MAN ONLY shower

For some time now, Game of Thrones episodes have followed a familiar pattern: Large swaths of episode are eaten up by the infinitesimal advancement of various plot lines, many of which are deeply boring, and those scenes are then offset by the inclusion of some Cool Shit.

I see both of you have met my mother’s second husband.

For heaven’s sakes, give it a rest.

How about a time when I was a dick to a celebrity? I was working at a Starbucks in the lobby of a fancy hotel, and I’d had a terrible day. I was *just* about to close the store and go home, have a drink, put my feet up, etc. I’m walking over to close the doors and this guy comes in asking if he can still get a drink.…

I was at an LA party for the cast of Weird Science. I was standing outside of the party house when Robert Downey, Jr shows up with his evil movie cast mate from the movie. Making a grand show of looking around, Downey grandly states, “Let’s go. Too many faggots at this party.” And exits stage left.

Wow, considering how much you typed, I expected A LOT worse than that.

I was insulted by Michael Easton. I was a newly single mom. My son had just had his first of many surgeries, wasn’t sleeping well at all. I hadn’t slept much in days, but I took my mother to work. I was walking by him, while I went to get diapers. He was doing some mall meet and greet. He loudly said to this girl…

I stopped reading your post after the first sentence, so I suppose I don't have an attention span longer than a fruit fly.