Look, if you're trying to say my comment was inspired by the guidance counselor at my high school who would routinely order a "double-bacon bagelburger with cheese, and a Diet Coke" four days a week, I have no idea what you're talking about.

"Which one of you low-rent morons botched my order?!? I specifically said Diet Coke!!!"

You don't get to be the behemoth McDonald's is without knowing your customers, as evidenced by the toy included.

If they aren't getting paid it's not really pro-rape, just amateur.

Ah yes, I remember when I was in college and thought I could change the status quo.

Weirdest Nancy Grace tribute ever.

Tattoo Artist: "OK, buddy, so how big do you want the chick's jugs?"

Excellent point!

These Aaron Hernandez jail letters are getting weird.

He only told this story once, of course, and it just snowballed from there.

When they removed your sense of humor, did they go arthroscopic? Or did they open you way up?

Call the next black man you see "blackskin" and see if he finds it less racist than "redskin."

Sounds good actually. Better than a no-bread, two-chicken sandwich.

The original name was Follow My Stools.

"But, officer, that man MADE me mug him. I mean, did you see what expensive clothing he was wearing? And the bulge of his wallet was clearly visible in his pocket. If he didn't want to get mugged he shouldn't have been shamelessly flaunting the fact that he has money like that! He was asking for it!!! Plus, before I…

I'm sorry your dad doesn't like you. Maybe you could be a better son.

I'm pregnant too and this has been The Spicy Pregnancy, so wings have been on the menu a fair few times. If this baby boy emerges with a teeny peen, I'll be sure to take a pic with my macro lens and post it.

When I hear about PETA stunts I want to go club baby seals and just leave the carcasses to rot with a note that says, "See what you made me do PETA?!"

+1000 LB JDAM Strike

DID YOU SEE THE "BIRTH CERTIFICATE"? DID YOU SEE THE FONT? I BET SHE'S NOT EVEN AMERICAN. I HEARD SHE WAS FROM KENYA. KENYA, MARS!!!!!!!!!!