Thank you. I needed some laughter to cut through these tears.

"Dream Boyfriend stealing my shit." Do you not flush in your dreams?

In TX, it looks a lot better than that. Standard Mexican weed, sure, but actually $50 an ounce if you know the Right People.

Been reading Jezebel a little over 3 years now. Lindy is the Chuck Palahniuk of the gawker networks: for the longest time, I was enthralled. Then, after a while, I realized that her writing style never changes, ever, from a strictly formulaic way, i.e, "Because Reasons!" After enough time, it just gets...tiring.…

Does he have that "eyes fill with blood sometimes" disease that I read about recently?

Louisiana also has a "super drunk" law, but I think it works in the opposite direction.

"These husky gays with all their drama!"

I think she prefers they be folded into a full Nelson.

I laughed, then thought about how true that is and got sad.

It's "balls to the wall" and "dick in the dirt." Stop mixing metaphors.

I was going to recommend this comment, but you're at 69 recommends and I refuse to mess that up. Because at heart, I think I will always be 12.

So how should we force non-white women to show off their poonanners?

Where I live, having babies at 26 would mean they'd have to wait about 8-10 years.

Are you white?

I've had bad male and female bosses, but they seemed to be bad in different ways

Lurk more. Learn the subtle differences between trolling and sarcasm. Come back then.

"three unrelated women." Well, at least it wasn't incest.

"Don't stop" would be a very interesting safe word.

So for millions of years humans have adapted to their environments...then this. This is where we completely stop adapting? Like we can't learn to use 2 hands simultaneously, like most men have to do as well? I'm a man with smaller than average hands, yet somehow I figured it out. Sure, it's not exactly like I want,…

@MarthaPlimpton: It's cute when a chicken leaves an egg in your hand. Not so cute when a Cock leaves a sperm there.