All this stuff about Nigella makes me so sad. I used to watch her with my mom when I was a kid, and when my mom told me about her difficult past, it made me so sad. Now this just makes me feel even worse.

It Happened to the Kettle: A Pot Called me Black.

This type of commentary always seems to take the same path:

HOW CAN YOU BE IN SO MUCH DENIAL THAT YOU THINK THERE IS A PLAYFUL OR NON-THREATENING WAY TO GRAB SOMEONE'S NECK?

The only times you should physically control someone's body is if they are about to be hit by a train, or you are preventing your toddler from running headlong off a roof. Two adults sitting at a table? NO. Unless Nigella is secretly made of helium, was about to shoot through the roof, and the release valve is in her…

No offense to gnomes.

Yup. This is so so so (so!) typical abuser-splaining. The statement itself makes no sense ("intense debate"/"playful tiff"/"tears+arguing"). The cognitive dissonance is mind boggling. It's dismissive, self-important, and embarrassingly difficult to believe (lots of abusers are unfortunately easy to believe, but that's…

She probably will corroborate his statement, to try to make the situation go away quickly. Plus, being on the abusee side of a relationship is horrifically shameful (even though it shouldn't be). Also, she may be unable to come to grips that he is an abuser.

Also, after hitting: look what you made me do!

Horrible. Strangulation is a particularly strong indicator of lethality among abusive relationships. I hope she gets the support she needs in going through this.

They didn't do it because it was the right thing to do, they did it because they got a massive paycheck for it. They could have done the graceful thing and turned over the photos - which are evidence - directly to the police, and protected Nigella's privacy and emotional safety in the process. They're leeches.

The gesture, if anything, seems to imply a threat of worse things to come in the privacy of their home. Grabbing someone's neck is a threatening gesture. Even if he wasn't squeezing that hard it implies control and much worse.

Allow me to translate abuser-speak:

As much as a fan can say they feel connected to someone and not be a total creep, I feel connected to Nigella. When I was a teenager learning how to cook, I always used her recipe books - they were the only recipes that ever worked for me no matter how much I messed them up, and she was refreshingly honest about the…

I really hope she is able to find safety. Leaving is the most dangerous time for victims. Also other Jezzies, if you are suffering abuse, please contact your local crisis center. If you choose to leave the abuse know that there are people who want to help you.

This is a pet peeve of mine:

Oh, you physically assaulted someone "to make a point." That makes it OK!

If he doesn't care about how he treats her in public (until he gets caught, of course), I can't imagine his actions behind closed doors.

I can't believe nobody summoned the police or at least asked 'Dude, what the fuck do you think you are doing choking this woman?'

If that's a "playful tiff" I'd hate to see real anger.